Is This All There Is?

Boy, how many times have I asked that question.  I still don't have an answer.  So much of "being" is
wrapped around physical and emotional of my past.  Everyone says you have to "leave your past behind...dump the baggage"...but no one says "how" to do that.  All those things made me "me".....some good; but most of it bad, confusing, revolting, degrading.....and that makes "those" memories, that "past" nearly impossible to just leave on the side of the road and move on.  Each one has left me with it's share of scars, it's "reminders".

The fire in my apartment in March of 2010 has changed me forever; and not all of it in a postive way.  Two of my precious cats were taken across the Rainbow Bridge on that day.....and I grieve especially  for Kiyoko; my little love, 7 lbs of unconditional love, purrs and devotion to me.  She picked me as her "human" when I got her and her brother, MacLennon when they were 8 weeks old....they were 9 years young when they perished.  I never even got to say goodbye to her.....see died under my bed from the thick, black smoke.  I carried her little body around with me all that day, she was wrapped in a small blanket from my room......and I cradled her like a baby.  I screamed to the heavens NO, NOT HER.....but she was already gone.
I still have nightmares from that fire.......but maybe I will talk about that next time.

It's Been Awhile

It sure has been quite awhile since I last blogged....not since March 19, 2010.  You see, We had a fire that day....9:10 am....destroyed nearly everything.  But material things can be replaced; and over time, they have been.  Couldn't have done it without the generosity of my friends and family. 

But, when I woke up that morning; got ready for the day......I had 4 cats; Kiyoko and Maclennon~9 year old brother and sister, and Maxwell Silver Hammer and Abbey Road; my 1 year old brother and sister.  Kiyoko was my dear, my 7 lbs. of unconditional love.  She had choosen me as her human; and loved me so sweetly, so completely.  I lost her and her brother in that insidious fire......and my grief is still overwhelming.  There isn't a day that I don't think of them, especially Kiyoko; and miss all the "little" things that only she did.  They are over the Rainbow Bridge now; free of all the suffering they went through that day.....but if I could have one wish; it would be to spend just one more day with them so I could say a "proper" goodbye.

Don't know when I'll post again......this was extremely difficult for me.  But it's time to honor them; love Max and Abbey, who survivied.......and our new addition, Jo Jo; who is an absolute delight.