Thanksgiving, 2019

Well another Thanksgiving has come and gone.  As usual, George and I were alone again.  Since our divorce in August, he just can't stop calling me "his wife"; and it doesn't matter how many times I remind him.

He's not a bad guy...just isn't for me.  I need someone who believes that romance is still alive and it's natural for him to treat me romantically.  He never learned the art of romance and he was never in love with me.

Another Christmas; a different location

Christmas time is here again and the ghosts of my Christmas's past are back again to nip at me.

It seems like I can't remember the last time I was happy at Christmas.  Oh, I put on a good mask so no one knew; but my heart knew.  And now this Christmas, I am divorced again.  Guess not lucky in love or cards.

There won't be much under the tree again this year; but George is starting at a new Lowe's location right after Thanksgiving; with a nice pay raise...so he will be happy.

My search goes on for a work from home job; been searching since August and I haven't found anything yet.

I've written my second book, which will be ready for the publisher before Christmas...then I have to figure out how I'm going to pay for it.  Such a great story, too.  Well I will keep praying for the funding.

So Merry Christmas, 2019...

I'm drowning

The weather today reflects the mood of my heart and soul.  Autumn has arrived with cool, crisp air, the changing color of the leaves. the sun setting so early...too early.

This darkness...my lonely, bruised heart are one and the same.

My divorce not even a month old....and the man I never stopped loving has been dead for over 2 years; and my heart aches for him, breaks for him...knowing I was the one who made the mistake of leaving him.  Yet I am so happy that he found another woman to love for the last years of his life.

Now I feel like the goldfish that was dropped out of the fish bowl, and I'm suffocating for air, I'm drowning in my tears.  

Will I ever be loved again the way I once was?