My heart is breaking, my tears fall freely over the events of this day. How can something so wonderful turn so horrible in a matter of minutes? How can love turn to hate in the snap of a finger?
I have been on this planet 65 years and have done nothing of any significance...fulfilled none of MY dreams and aspirations. I have given all for everyone else's needs; although I'm sure some of them don't think that way. They will never know all that I have freely given up so their dreams would become realities.
Now for the very first time; one of my dreams is becoming real; and a person I love so dearly cannot accept the fact that all of my time is devoted to making it a reality. I never, never meant to hurt him; but he says he is so disappointed in me........to the point of yelling at me and saying the most awful things to me.......about me.
I know that I will never be good enough, have never been good enough for anyone in my life; and that was proven to me tonight. Sleep will evade me this night......tears will find their way to my pillow most of this night. How could I ever believe the cycle of domineering and controlling men in my life would ever be broken. I have learned my lesson well. To do as I am told; to have no opinions of my own or pursuits of my own...to only do the will of others. It has been this way since I was a child and it continues still.
I have been verbally taken down.........I don't know my way up. I have been dragged down into my well of hell; left to rot, left to die. I don't know how to crawl out this time and the truth is; I don't really want to. Staying here means that I will be a burden to no one. This is where I belong until death comes to take me home.
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