The Sadness of Christmas

                              Christmas approaches this year 

                                   as it does every year

                               Evergreen trees stood soldier straight on display;

                                   hoping for a home.

                               Store windows decorated with the latest Christmas

                                    fashions; toys waiting to be wrapped as that

                                     holiday surprise.

                                Parents stood with excited children who were

                                      waiting to tell Santa their most secret wish;

                                      as the snow begins to start softly drifting down,

                                God had His angels shaking their shifters,

                                        like sugar, sweet from above.

                                 But her heart had a crack this year,

                                         no joy could be felt;

                                 It's beat was slower and sadder;

                                 Her Christmas would be without him this year.

                                 But she hid her quivering lip behind a painted on smile

                                 She brightened up her puffy eyes with the

                                           Christmas glitter of gold

                                  But you see, they're tired, so tired,

                                           her heart and eyes slowly close,

                                           seeing only him.

Thanksgiving, 2019

Well another Thanksgiving has come and gone.  As usual, George and I were alone again.  Since our divorce in August, he just can't stop calling me "his wife"; and it doesn't matter how many times I remind him.

He's not a bad guy...just isn't for me.  I need someone who believes that romance is still alive and it's natural for him to treat me romantically.  He never learned the art of romance and he was never in love with me.

Another Christmas; a different location

Christmas time is here again and the ghosts of my Christmas's past are back again to nip at me.

It seems like I can't remember the last time I was happy at Christmas.  Oh, I put on a good mask so no one knew; but my heart knew.  And now this Christmas, I am divorced again.  Guess not lucky in love or cards.

There won't be much under the tree again this year; but George is starting at a new Lowe's location right after Thanksgiving; with a nice pay raise...so he will be happy.

My search goes on for a work from home job; been searching since August and I haven't found anything yet.

I've written my second book, which will be ready for the publisher before Christmas...then I have to figure out how I'm going to pay for it.  Such a great story, too.  Well I will keep praying for the funding.

So Merry Christmas, 2019...

I'm drowning

The weather today reflects the mood of my heart and soul.  Autumn has arrived with cool, crisp air, the changing color of the leaves. the sun setting so early...too early.

This darkness...my lonely, bruised heart are one and the same.

My divorce not even a month old....and the man I never stopped loving has been dead for over 2 years; and my heart aches for him, breaks for him...knowing I was the one who made the mistake of leaving him.  Yet I am so happy that he found another woman to love for the last years of his life.

Now I feel like the goldfish that was dropped out of the fish bowl, and I'm suffocating for air, I'm drowning in my tears.  

Will I ever be loved again the way I once was?

Christmas 2018

The unhappiness that surrounds me this holiday season almost scares me.  I have had many Christmases that haven't been the best; but never one where this cloud of darkness just hoovers over me like the eye of a tornado.

It's quiet right now; but at any moment I can be swept up inside the turbulence, the unending crying will begin; loneliness so deep; a loneliness like I have never felt before.  Just realizing that I will be divorcing sometime after the first of the year crushes me.  

But, I can't take the fighting, yelling; cruelty; deliberate insults anymore.  I can't take the endless nights of sitting across from each other and not speaking a word...or if I do; I'm told I'm holding a monologue.  I can't take his indifference anymore....staring at the TV as I try to engage some type of conversation.

His frustration is due to his cut in pay that he took when Lowes hired him.  But he got himself fired from almost 20 years at Home Depot for being arrogant enough to think that he was indispensable; and decided to use the company computer to print out porn.  And; he did it for over 5 years before being caught, but he was; on April 6, 2015...the day the world ended as I knew it.  Funny thing is; he is not sorry for what he did; only for getting caught.

We had to move this year; Valentine's day, 2018....higher rent; bills he has fallen behind on and all of it get taken out on me...somehow made to be my fault.  Then, about 6 weeks after we moved in, he went back over to the old place and tried to proposition the woman next door to give him a blow job....he cheated on me.  It doesn't matter that she was horrified, called the landlord and the cops; getting him banned forever from that property.

My own health has suffered because of this; physically and emotionally.  Some of the demons that I had successfully conquered years ago have taken up residence in my head again.  I won't get into the particulars; but one of my doctors told me to never expect to hold a job outside the home again.

So, here I am at 66 years old; with a limited monthly income; not enough to leave; impossible to be financially independent; wanting a divorce; and if that happens; I will have to remain living here...and it will kill me.

It's Only A Dream

But It's Only A Dream

So quick, so unexpected, asleep forever, never to open your

blue eyes again

Shock, disbelief, my mind can't accept it

Your voice us fading from my memory...

But grief washes over me like an endless waterfall;

draws me unconscious…into a sleep

I don't welcome.

Darkness, darkness like the darkness of your death

surrounds me.  A light, a light in the distance;

glowing; and your smile pulls me in...

But It's Only A Dream

Only A Dream

You take my hand, holding it the way we used to;

bringing my dream "to life"

Familiar places, a town once known; the town where we met;

we are standing at the stairs of the church where we

two became one.

The apartment once shared, where he held me so close;

so tight like many years ago.

But It's Only A Dream

Only A Dream

I felt the warmth of his body drowned myself in the scent of

his neck as I nestled my head there, like so many years ago;

when love was new, love was real, love was ours;

love I let go

But It's Only A Dream

Only A Dream

My face is wet with tears as I softly tell him "I'm sorry, so sorry I left"...

my heart was pulling me one way, my fear was pulling me away;

too young to believe in my heart, so fear won and pulled me

away.

You kissed the tears from my face, telling me there was no sorry;

only love that never ended.

But It's Only A Dream

Only A Dream

The old neighborhood, oddly quiet, is where we found ourselves...

trees in full bloom, the sun so warm; hands holding each

other's tight, then arms wrapping around waists,

not letting an inch between us.

But It's Only A Dream

Only A Dream

His kisses are warm; passionate, soft; our lips sweet,

our hunger strong  for each other; so strong for each other...

like it had been so many years ago; our bodies becoming

one; loving with a passion that is now only a memory for me.

But It's Only A Dream

Only A Dream

The words "I love you, I love you, I love you...

said over and over again, never wanting this moment to end

never thinking we would find each other again.

But It's Only A Dream

Only A Dream

My mind rushes forward, my eyes slowly begin to open,

the taste of this kiss still on my lips...

but I was alone in my bed; far from my old hometown...

and as a tear falls down the side of my face, I knew...

It's Only A Dream

Only A Dream

Hokens, Edward

August 21, 2017

Edward Hokens, 69, of Waupaca, WI, formerly of Chicago, IL passed away Aug. 16, 2017 at his home.

He was a locksmith for years at JR’s True Value in Waupaca, WI. He took great pride in serving in the US Marines. He received three medals while serving in Vietnam. He had a passion for fishing, woodworking and crosswords. He enjoyed spending time with his family and friends.

He is survived by the love of his life, Kathy Barker, of 27 years; father, Edgar Hokens; brother, Earl (Jean) Hokens and family; daughters: Tabatha (Ansel) Burch, Jill Barker (Donny); Debi (Rick) Webster, Diane (John) Gannon and Tammy Doty; aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces, nephews, many grandchildren, great-grandchildren and too many friends to list. He was preceded in death by his mother and other family members.

There will be a graveside service Wednesday, Aug. 23, 2017 at 1:00 p.m. at Veterans King Cemetery in King, WI. Luncheon will follow at Waupaca Pub in Waupaca, Wi

The last picture of Ed...plus his obituary....

My heart is broken; my love...

To see this last photo of you...to know that you are no longer here makes me ache 

so hard that even my tears won't fall anymore.

I know you were not my love when you passed; you belonged to Kathy Barker then; but that

doesn't stop me from loving you as I did the day we met.

I made so many mistakes back when you were my husband; mistakes made out of fear...

fear that the abuse would start again...but as they say "hindsight is 20/20"; I know now that it never would have.

Please know that I have loved you since I was 15 years old.....and will always love you.

All I can hope for is that when we meet again in heaven; you will have forgiven the young wife's

fear; and still hold some love for me in your heart.

Rest in Peace; 

May all your painful memories and demons of Vietnam now be put to rest; never

to haunt you again.

Whether it's logical or illogical; I feel as if all the joy is being sucked out of me; like a vacuum cleaner sucks up dirt.

Perhaps I feel like dirt; under peoples feet; under my family's feet; especially under my husband's feet.  I hate myself right now for allowing myself to be used, abused, disrespected; ordered; and not stopping this behavior...but allowing it because I feel that I deserve it.

From my earliest memories; I remember being told by my parents how different I was from the rest of the family.  At first I didn't take it as anything wrong; but "different"; like apples are different from bananas.  It was only when I began to express myself with different ideas than my parents; that I began to question some of their beliefs that I found out, painfully; what different meant to them....and it wasn't pleasant.

Speaking out loud what I felt about "for colored only", civil rights, the nuns at school and their physical mistreatment of some of my classmates; admiring people whose skin color didn't match mine....all brought down a sledge hammer; smashing me to the ground...shutting my mouth and making me a "silent" child who grew into a "silent" adult around people when I first met them...scoping out whether I was acceptable to them before I opened my mouth.  It made me a good listener and made me a writer.....in numerous spiral notebooks seen by no one but me.

I filled them with all the emotions just waiting to explode out of me.  It was my escape from the outside world that seemed to disapprove of me....it became my fantasy world where the character I created didn't find me offensive; but found me interesting and "liked" me.  My Barbie dolls became "real" to me and lead me into the world I had created.

Once I found rock and roll music; I spent hours in my basement; alone; listening to my growing record collection.  I often would sit with my eyes closed; just letting the music absorb into my brain; breathing it; feeling it; singing it; dancing to it.....making it my own world......but always alone; letting no one else in...too afraid of rejection.  Often I would hear the words screamed "turn that music down"...and I obeyed immediately.  All my teenage years were spent that way...especially after I met the love of my life when I was 15.  He was the ying to my yang....his humor, his easy smile, twinkling blue eyes;  the way he made me laugh without even trying....his bad boy streak; and the way he made me feel absolutely beautiful in his eyes.....it was love at first sight for both of us.

He was my salvation from myself and all my insecurities.  He accepted me for exactly for who I was; loved me with all my imperfections...even found the slight gap in my bottom teeth endearing.  And, I loved him exactly the same way....

But even the letters he sent me from Vietnam I had to hide; because I found out my mother would go through my private things....reading some of his letters to me.  I quickly learned to hide them where she would never find them.

We were married for 6 years; the last three we fought the demons he brought home from Vietnam and finally had to divorce.  But ever all the years after the divorce; we remained friends.  He passed from this world on August 15, 2017; taking a piece of my heart with him....a piece that was his from the day we met....even though he found happiness with someone else; he always had and always will have my love.  Unfortunately; I didn't find the same happiness he did.....but that is a story for another day.

Forever in my Heart

My heart shattered in a million pieces the day I found out God took you home, 

my First Love.

The pieces were scattered  on the ground around my feet; surrounding me; as I bent to carefully pick them up and painstakingly tried to reconnect the now shallow beating pieces.

But one was missing...I searched everywhere...the only piece I couldn't find...and my eyes slowly felt the tears beginning to fall..

I shook my fist at God and cried "Haven't You taken enough away from me?  Must You leave my heart forever broken and missing a piece?"

When out of nowhere, I heard a familiar voice filling my head...your voice.  "You haven't lost a piece of that loving heart, silly goose; that's the piece I picked up before I made the final cross over and hold in my heart; holding your love for me safe until we see each other again when we can put the pieces back together; reuniting our hearts as one; my love to your love; your  love to my love...a love that survived all that was thrown at it; even though we had to part our separate ways for a short time.  You, silly goose, were my first love; and don't you know that the magic of "first loves" never die?

I fell to my knees, but not in grief, although that will never end; but in peace, laughter; the laughter that I was yours; and happiness; now positive you are at peace...finally at peace from what Vietnam left in your memories.

Rest in Peace, my love; be with all those who have gone before you and who you cherished during your time here on earth; but make sure you save a place for me and please be there to take me once more in your arms as we did when we first met; when my time comes to cross over the veil....

Good Riddence Christmas 2017

So, another Christmas has come and gone...it left 10 minutes ago.  I won't lie; it was not a happy day for me.  The Christmas's I knew as a child have forever passed away forever.

Many of my family will tell me it's my own fault that I seem to have lost all my family with a few months time.  I wrote a book about my life with my first husband and how his memories for the Vietnam war caused him to become extremely  domestic violent; beating me many time a day; put a gun to my head; put that same gun in my mouth; threatening to blow my brains out.....kicked me with his combat boots on as I fell into a fetal  position; left bruises of his hand prints in my arms from holding me by them, lifting me off the floor with his hand cutting off the circulation in my arms;as he banged my head against the wall, just shy of letting me pass out; then dropping me like an unwanted bag of garbage.

My two birth daughters haven't spoken to me since March 6th,of this year......over a fight that I honestly don't know what I did wrong when I called to wish my oldest birth daughter a Happy Birthday.......and since they had company; one of which was my other birth daughter and I asked if I could say hello to her...........after that all hell broke loose; and I was called a bully; hurting them by turning things around to always say how they hurt me...never accepting responsibility of taking on the narcissistic characteristics of my mother ............and so much more to break my heart.  I never bullied them......that was what my mother did to me.  

Plus I have a husband who never was in love with me; who has always loved himself first; and thinking because he was "George Breo", every knee should bend at the name, including me.  For  so many years; I just took it without question.......until 3 years ago when he was fired from his job for printing out pornography on the company computer....ending a nearly 20 year career there; and was unemployed for months, went through all our 401k; and then having to take a job for less pay and has grumbled about it, is frustrated with it; and takes that frustration on me by verbal abuse, yelling at me almost everyday; but the difference being; I will stand toe to toe with him now and will take no more abuse.....which causes even more problems....then finding out he doesn't love me; but since he is 76 doesn't want to divorce me because he doesn't want to come home to an empty apartment.  We are just roommates, and he knows he has me trapped because my doctor has told me I can never work outside the home again because of my health problems.  So he uses it.

So goodbye Christmas....I'm glad you are over.  Maybe Christmas 2018 will be tolerable.  There were no Christmas miracles for me.........I'm wondering if God even sees me.  John Lennon said "God is a concept"....maybe he was right?  Good riddance Christmas................don't let the door hit you in the ass as you leave.

The leaves are starting to put on their autumn coats and the weather is becoming crisp and cool.  When I get up in he morning I can feel that the winter coldness is not too far in the future because the bathroom tiles hold the chill of the night.

Even with the freezing cold weather inevitably on its way, I'm not dreading it as I have in the past.  I have discovered you and known you intimately.  There is a natural warmth about you that no snow storm could ever ice over.  Your arms have warmed me; your lips have tasted mine and mine yours; your hands have held mine; your eyes have looked into my very soul and loved me.

Your body took my body into yours, making me know the pleasures of the flesh; but you were always more giving than taking; leaving me limp from your love.

You made me laugh, big belly laughs; your eyes twinkled with mischief soon to come.  You loved me, loved me unconditionally and I will hold you in my heart and soul forever.

Your passing was too soon; my love.....you were my first love, and I will never, never forget you.  I will always love you until death due us part........... 

The other day I wrote a post about what I (non-theological) felt prayer is.  I guess I feel pretty passionate about the subject (which surprises me) because it's still in the forefront of my mind.  And while I don't like to be negative (and I'm hoping this post WON'T be, but by just saying that I've put a negative in there), I'm thinking about what prayer isn't...at least according to the gospel of Bfth (the unordained non-theologian.)

Prayer is NOT a publicity stunt.  That is not to say that prayer should not or cannot be done publicly or with a group of people (large or small).  But praying is not a way to show the world how "religious" or "good" you are.  It's not a show.  It's not a test that you get graded on.  As I pointed out yesterday:  "And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by others."  (Not my words; they come from Matthew.) When groups of people pray together the intent SHOULD BE holy, NOT showy.  As I see it, one of the problems with public prayer is that it seems (and in many cases may well be) to be done for show. That is not what the intention of prayer SHOULD be.

Prayer is NOT public.  Again that is not to say it should be done in public, but prayer should be intensely personal.  It is a conversation between you and God, the Universe, etc.  You don't pray because John Doe says you should.  You don't pray because Jane Smith is praying.  You pray because you NEED to.  You pray because there is something inside of you that needs to be shared.  

Prayer is NOT a wish list.  Praying does not bring new cars or a pony for your birthday.  (Sorry!) Prayer CAN act as a self-motivator.  So while prayer won't put a new car in your driveway, it can help you help yourself to save for/work toward purchasing one.

Prayer is NOT rote.   It's not something to be done thoughtlessly. It is not something you go through the motions for; it needs to have meaning.  People pray at different times and in different ways.   That's the way it needs to be as we are all unique individuals with our own distinct way of connecting through prayer. You don't have to be on bended knee to pray.  You don't have to speak outloud to pray.  When you pray, do it YOUR way.

Prayer is NOT something that is done once and tossed away. Prayer can be simple, it does not have to be complex.  But prayer is NOT easy. Prayer is a commitment.  A commitment to yourself and the one/the thing you are praying for.   It takes work.  It means giving of yourself.  Which leads me to...

Prayer is NOT passive.  Prayer requires action.  Prayer is NOT the end...it is the beginning.  It is an opportunity to start new and wonderful things.

Why am I crying?

Endless tears just keep falling;

sadness overwhelms me in ways that feel so permanent

I don't even know why I'm crying; why they won't stop.

I should be somewhat happy; yet happiness

eludes me like a ghost unseen.

My feelings of sadness are so deep; slipping me deep

down my well of hell....and I don't know why.

It has been a long time since I have felt this helpless...

this hopeless; this sadness; this depression.

Have I really forgotten how to smile 

and only remember how to cry?

Have I really lost what love I had in my life

and remember only pain?

Oh heart, deceitful heart; why do you torment me so?

My heart; oh heart; where have you tossed the love

I once had known?

I yearn to be loved like the desert yearns for water

I yearn to be loved like the child without a mother

I yearn to be loved like a woman by a man

who sees me for who I am, not what I can

do

My arms are so empty, and longed to be filled

with the tender embrace of a man 

a man who is in love with me; the good and the bad

the perfect and the imperfect

who accepts me and can see no other before me

a man who puts me first in his life; as I put him first in mine

isn't that how love is suppose to be?

Please God; fill the emptiness that is me

fill the heart that is crushed

God, I pray thee; send me the love You have

always meant for me

Hear my desperation; hear my prayer, my plea;

for without you, none of this can be.

I will die without love, unconditional love; 

I will die

The Dreams are Over

My heart is breaking, my tears fall freely over the  events of this day.  How can something so wonderful turn so horrible in a matter of minutes?  How can love turn to hate in the snap of a finger?

I have been on this planet 65 years and have done nothing of any significance...fulfilled none of MY dreams and aspirations.  I have given all for everyone else's needs; although I'm sure some of them don't think that way.  They will never know all that I have freely given up so their dreams would become realities.

Now for the very first time; one of my dreams is becoming real; and a person I love so dearly cannot accept the fact that all of my time is devoted to making it a reality.  I never, never meant to hurt him; but he says he is so disappointed in me........to the point of yelling at me and saying the most awful things to me.......about me.

I know that I will never be good enough, have never been good enough for anyone in my life; and that was proven to me tonight.  Sleep will evade me this night......tears will find their way to my pillow most of this night.  How could I ever believe the cycle of  domineering and controlling men in my life would ever be broken.  I have learned my lesson well.  To do as I am told; to have no opinions of my own or pursuits of my own...to only do the will of  others.  It has been this way since I was a child and it continues still.

I have been verbally taken down.........I don't know my way up.  I have been dragged down into my well of hell; left to rot, left to die.  I don't know how to crawl out this time and the truth is; I don't really want to.  Staying here means that I will be a burden to no one.  This is where I belong until  death comes to take me home. 

Pictures on the floor

Where did she go?

She's gone and I didn't even know

How'd she leave without even making a sound

I know that she was once here;

her memories are littered all across

this room.

Pictures of her smiling,

pictures of her laughing,

pictures of her dancing;

pictures of her life in full bloom

But where did she go, when did

she leave?

Look closer at the pictures, maybe

you'll see her story unfold.

The tears behind the laughter,

the frown behind the smile;

the dance that was her, running away

from a life that she was never allowed to let blossom

and bloom.

When did she go,

when did she leave,

when were her dreams shattered;

when was she broken, like a china doll

pushed off the shelf?

Why are the pieces left thrown all across the floor?

No Time Girl

🐦💀

The Well is deep

it's dark inside-sliding down ain't no carnival ride

No laughing; just screaming as the final plunge arrives

Hit the bottom, grind the gears,

Just can't stop those speeding fears from closing in;

grabbing the soul--they've got the control

they've got the hold--

finally strangling this prey's crashing emotional soul.

No time to scream, girl;

They've takin away your voice--

No time to cry, girl;

They've taken 'way your tears;

replaced them silicone drops that sting and burn--

No time to talk, girl;

They've taken away anyone who might have listened;

and left silence for you to taste and all it's bitterness.

No time to fight, girl--

Your fighting days for what once was you has burned into ashes;

No time for clashes, girl; for last chances at

Saving any sweetness

No time girl, no time is left girl;

All you've been left with is

Death.

A Lonely, Lonely Christmas

Little Lost Me

When did Christmas stop being magical and start being so lonely?  I used to love putting the tree up, wrapping the packages; baking all those cookies and breads; filling the house with "Christmas smells". 

All the decorations meant so much to me....now, I feel so little in my heart for any of it.  As a child; it was like magic filled the air, the house; as the days got closer and closer to the Big Day.  I never slept much on Christmas Eve.....after the party at the neighbors, midnight Mass........then bed....with all those sugar plums dancing in my head. 

But as time passed and the child in me grew to an adult; some of the magic faded.  My first Christmas as a wife...at 19 yrs old; was filled with all the love of two young lovers; totally wrapped up in the spirit of Peace and Love.

That didn't last too long....just a couple of years and as the marriage soured; everything in me soured.  All that was left when that marriage ended was the daughter we had and my intense love for her....determined that she would not see me cry and would feel all the excitement a 3 year old should feel.  Santa Clause was real again; and my Christmas was devoted to her.....because there was no Christmas left inside me.

Yes; I married again......and for a brief time, I was happy........gave birth to another beautiful daughter and raised 3 step daughters along with my 2.  But time passes, life gets filled with nonsense things; children grow up; I worked to put them through school, keep a roof over their heads and food on the table.  So mixed up with the "practical", that the "magic" vanished; Christmas became an unwelcome ritual........and love died in my heart for the man whose name I shared.

Now; in 2016; there is no feelings of joy at all.  I'm tired of pretending; of trying to find anything to grasp onto about what Christmas is.  Christmas days are now spent alone with a husband who spends his time in his room watching tv.......and I'm left alone in the living room or at my computer.  The one joy I have are my 3 kitties; who I love so much and they love me unconditionally.  But it's not the same as having a partner who loves me, hugs me, holds me in his arms; and kisses me softly and passionately.

I miss being loved like a woman is loved by a man; especially at Christmas.

Yes, that was me

 

 

I often wonder if I can even be seen or heard by my own husband.  I often wonder what it is I am doing wrong to make him ignore me like he does.  Funny, but it seems like I've always taken second place in his life; but with five daughters to raise; I didn't even realize that we didn't talk, we didn't laugh, we didn't go anywhere........I was so busy with the kids; who did talk....a lot.....that I never noticed his lack of evolvement in his own family's life.

 

From 1978; when we first married until we divorced in 2001, he controlled everything......except the things that were a "bother" to him; like paying the bills, keeping track of the bank account; cooking......that was "my" job. Funny; I never realized what a zombie I was; how controlled I was; how "June Cleaver" I was......how much like my mother I was and how much like my father he was.

 

It wasn't until after my dad passed away....my domineering mother moved to Chicago and my life became more of a living hell.  I was never good enough, I never called her enough, I never went to her condo enough; just like when I was a child.......I never respected her enough.  But somehow; my husband became a "gem" to her; simply because he drove her to her doctors every week.  She never understood my panic attacks; believed them.

 

Then suddenly, in 1998, everyone left my home; and we became "empty nesters"; and the reality of my existence reflected back at me in the mirror.  The lack of affection; the lack of communication, the dominance over me.....and I broke; completely broke down........had a full  blown mental breakdown.......the depression set in so deep that I was either in bed or laying on the couch.....didn't eat......just fucking didn't care.; and neither did he.

 

TO BE CONTINUED AT A LATER DATE

 

 





We are Women, hear us Roar.....

 

Women.
You are not

broken
You are not made of fine china to be handled with kid gloves
You have not shattered because he left
You did not crack because he hurt ...you
His fist cannot take away your worth
You are not his victim
You have not crumbled
You did not crumple like paper when he told you he loved someone else
That he didn't love you
That he couldn't love who you were
Are
Will be.
You are not his paper for him to write his desires and scratch out your faults
Your faults are not his to give you
Your flaws are not his to name
Your face is not his to paint
Too brown
Too white
Too bright
Too dim
Your body is yours
To create within
To feed
To work
To rest
To keep
To give
But not for him to take
You are not the voices in your head
You are not pictures of you
You are not pictures of who you think you should be
You ARE.
You are not broken
Do not let them tell you you are broken
You are
Women.
‪

Love

 

 

 

Thiss is the true measure of love,

when we believe...that no one

could ever have loved so before us;

and that no one will ever love

in the same way after us.

 

You are love to me.

 

 

The water

continually flowed and flowed

and yet it was always there;

it was always the same and yet every

moment it was new.

Always the same, but ever new,

my love for you.

 

 

It's all I have to bring today,

This and my heart beside,

This, and heart and all the fields,

And all the meadows wide...

In love with life, in love with you.

 

Only that day dawns

to which we ar awake,

I found a new world

When I found you.

 

 

Time is...

Too Slow for those who wait

Too shift for those who fear,

Too long for those who grieve,

Too short for those who rejoice;

But for those who love

time is not.

 

Tis what I love

determines how I love.

And I love you...very much.